


Asstronaut87

by embarrassing_myself



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:12:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embarrassing_myself/pseuds/embarrassing_myself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan takes a look through Phil's internet history. While he expects to find nothing he stumbles across a set  of videos he was never meant to find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asstronaut87

Dan had never meant to look through Phil’s internet history. It was an honest accident…well, okay maybe it wasn’t an accident. “Hey, using your laptop!” He yelled from his place on the sofa. “Mine’s dead!” He could hear the shower running from the bathroom, it explained why Phil didn’t give him an answer straight away. Dan sat his own laptop aside and quickly reached over and grabbed Phil’s. 

 

There was a certain deep rooted laziness that prevented him from just getting up and walking to his bedroom to get his charger. Why when there was a perfectly good computer right beside him? It might not have been his but when you were just scrolling through Tumblr it didn’t really matter. His fingers trailed over the colorfully directed laptop before pushing the lid open. “You and your cat stickers.” He hummed before typing in Phil’s password.

 

When you live with someone for as long as they had you learn many things about a person. One being their password. Of course Phil knew Dan’s as well, fair was fair. Neither of them had much had to hide and to be honest neither of them were very interested in what the other was doing online. Probably because between Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and YouTube, they knew just about everything the other was doing while surfacing the web. 

 

Just as Dan was about to clear the url bar and type in another address when he had a thought. He looked to the upper right of the screen. “No Dan, don’t do it.” He told himself as he edged the mouse closer. “Bad friend, stop it.” The pointer got closer and Dan suddenly gave up on trying to stop himself. What was the worse he could find? Later on hindsight would be twenty twenty. 

 

He scrolled down and like he had suspected there wasn’t much there. A few random google searches, _how long do turtles live?'_ and _‘What are the dogs with black tongues called?’_ also _‘Why does my nose run when I’m not sick?’_ Typical Phil stuff. Dan rolled his eyes, there wasn’t anything interesting. “Well what exactly did you think you’d find?” Dan asked himself. He was about to close out when decided to scroll down for just a bit longer and mainly it was a bunch of YouTube and Tumblr searches. But then something caught his eye, a website he’d never been to, not to mention one with a questionable name. 

 

“Videoboysxxx.com” What the fuck was that? Dan had never heard of the site and if Phil was uploading videos somewhere else he would have said so. He would have let Dan know. That and the XXX sort of threw Dan off. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he clicked on the link. “Let’s see what this is.” He whispered. The shower was still running and that meant he had a bit of time to snoop around. 

 

The first thing that popped up was a login page. “He has an account?!” Dan hissed. If this was porn Phil must have really been into it. Usually you had to pay for access to anything that required an account. Damn, didn’t Phil know you weren’t meant to actually pay for porn? Dan knew this wasn’t Phil’s first day on the internet. 

 

Thankfully though the autofill had already entered in the other’s username and password. Dan didn’t hesitate to hit the login button, he was determined to find out what exactly Phil was looking at. “Welcome back, Asstronaut87?” Dan mumbled to himself with an unbelieving looking on his face. “Is that his username, Asstronaut87?” It did sound like something Phil would come with and he was born in 87. Needless to say, things were getting strange. 

 

Like he had assumed it was a porn website. Thankfully for Dan this was not his first time on the internet either. The photos and videos of naked young men doing obscene things no longer phased him. At some point in life you see enough dicks on the internet that they just stop bothering you. He’d become numb to the graphic imagines, not disturbed or embarrassed, only impassive towards them. While Dan would never judge Phil he hadn’t realized that he’d been looking at gay porn. 

 

He looked around the site until he noticed the ‘user profile’ link. He paused once more, listening for the sound of the shower, before clicking it. He read the page and then reread it, then read it once more just in case. ‘Asstronaut87 has uploaded 22 videos.’ “What the fuck is this?” Dan asked slowly. This was not going to be what he thought it was. No, that was a silly thought. There was no way Phil had been uploading videos to a porn site. “Nope, not at all.” Dan laughed almost hysterically. Because, _please God_ , there was no way Phil would-would…

 

He looked over the videos in quite shock. Dan was seriously about to faint. The male in the upload videos looked very familiar. While he never seemed to show his face Dan knew what Phil looked like. If you knew a person than you didn’t always need to see their face to recognize them. “You’re just looking at the cover photo’s, that’s not him.” Dan whispered frantically as he shook his head. 

 

He took a deep breath while his hands shook with something close to fear. “I’m just going to double check.” He told himself. He was nervous, he didn’t want to believe that the guy in the video was the same one he’d lived with for the past three years. Almost four! That was not his sweet and adorable innocent Phil. Because damn it, it just wasn’t it! Right then Dan was tempted to close out of everything, there was no point because it wasn’t Philip Lester on that video. But something in the back of his head wouldn’t him close out, it was nagging and biting at him, he needed to be sure. 

 

Dan summoned all the courage he had before clicking on latest video. It loaded for a moment before it began to play. A shirtless male appeared. The camera was panned just below his collarbone so that Dan could see the familiar dark jeans and pale creamy chest of the other. “No, no, no.” Dan was close to tears. He spotted the green and blue blanket. He then noticed the Death Note characters on the dresser, the massive house plant, and even Phil’s weird _Everything is on fire all the time_ poster. There was no mistaking it. That was Phil’s room. “Don’t do it, Phil, I swear to God.” Dan mumbled, running a hand over his face. 

 

The male on the screen leaned in just enough to adjust the camera a bit further down before jumping onto the bed behind him. While Dan still couldn’t see his face, the way the other was positioned made it possible to even notice the mismatched socks he had on. He was too shocked to speak. Instead he just stared. It was like some bad accident that you wanted to look away from but morbid curiosity got the better of you and your eyes were glued to the tragic event. 

 

It was Phil and Dan knew that. 

 

He watched as Phil started to palm at his crotch until a nice sized bulge had begun to grow. The skinny jeans he had on didn’t hide a thing. While he continued to rub himself, Phil used his other hand to tweak his nipples every so often. The hand on Phil’s crotch move just enough to easily pop the button open. “No, you can’t do that, you can’t undo that button with hand.” Dan hissed again, his eyes wide. Maybe if he was emotional enough Phil would hear him through the screen and stop. He’d come to his senses and shut the camera off. But he didn’t and the video played on. 

 

Dan watched as Phil struggled to pull his jeans down but it didn’t take long before they were being harshly flung to the ground along with everything Dan had ever known to be true. And then Phil was just in his boxer briefs. “Come on! They’ve got stars on them, what the hell?!” Dan groaned as the other continued to palm at himself. A couple minutes later and Phil was reaching behind him grabbing a bottle of baby oil. “Put it down, fucking put it down.” Dan whispered in a warning tone. He’d almost forgot that Phil was in the bathroom showering and ‘video Phil’ couldn’t hear him. 

 

And like that Phil was naked and showing everything off to the camera. That’s when Dan learned what the baby oil was for. Phil was drizzling it all over himself, rubbing it in, before grabbing a hold of his dick and pumping it slowly for a few seconds. “You said it was for your dry skin.” Dan couldn’t believe what he was seeing even though he’d been watching it for a good ten minutes. 

 

Phil continued to jerk himself off on screen. He started at the base before stroking himself all the way to the tip and then twisting his first around the head for a couple seconds, then started the pattern all over again. Dan stomach flopped strangely. He knew it wasn’t one of disgust like it should be but he couldn’t say it was one of pleasure either. Suddenly the slick wet sound of skin against skin stopped and Phil reached behind him to grab something else. “What is…no!” Phil had pulled out a tiny blue egg shaped device. It buzzed rapidly and Dan’s concerned expression turned into one of horror. 

 

 

Phil trailed the blue buzzing egg down his chest and then to his solid erection where it lingered for a moment. A moment was gone in an instant though and Phil was trailing it past his balls and towards a much lower region. “No!” Dan yelled as he quickly closed out of the page. He slammed the lid shut and stared fanatically at it. Almost as if the laptop itself had murdered a baby animal. 

 

“Why are you yelling, is that my laptop?” Phil asked as he stepped into the living room. He was wearing loose fitting sweats that barely stayed in place on his hips. Like in the video he was shirtless and his skin was wet, not baby oil wet but close enough. “Dan? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

 

 

Dan quickly moved the laptop off his legs and hopped off the sofa. “Mine died and I had to use yours because I’m lazy!” He yelled while Phil’s eyes went wide at the sudden outburst. He no longer just seen his roommate. The image of sweet innocent Phil had been broken forever. No, when Dan looked at him he seen the Phil from the video, naked and stroking himself. Dan seen Asstronaut87.

 

“Oh, okay, right.” Phil laughed while rubbing the back of his neck. “Well if you don’t mind I kind of want it back.” Dan quickly reached over and picked up the laptop before thrusting it into Phil’s hands. 

 

“I-I um…I have go to my room now.” Dan mumbled as he grabbed his own dead computer from the sofa. He didn’t even know if he could look Phil in the eyes after that. 

 

“Why, what are you going to do?” Phil asked in confusion. Why was Dan acting so strangely? It was almost like he was trying to hide something. Phil didn’t know what but it certainly seemed like that. 

 

“I need to uh…I’ve got um-uh, I need t-to. Trim nails!” Dan blurted out. “Yeah they so long right now, I can’t stand it for another minute, so I will be in there…doing that, trimming my nails.” The two looked at each other. Dan knew Phil didn’t believe him. And Phil knew, Dan knew, he didn’t believe him. 

 

“Okay?” Phil asked tilting his head to the side. “Well, let me know if you need anything.” 

 

“Yep sure, okay bye!” Dan said as he practically ran past Phil. 

 

He sat in his room in silence, he hadn’t even bothered to plug his dead laptop in. Instead he opted on staring at the wall blankly. He couldn’t even find it in him to pace the room like he usually did. He couldn’t pinpoint his emotions. He was mortified that he’d seen something he wasn’t mean to. But at the same time Dan was starting to wonder why he was truly angry. “Probably because Phil was in there fucking wanking it for a bunch of strangers.” He huffed before shaking his head. All those perverts had seen his Phil in the most intimate way. But when it came down to it Dan was now one of those perverts who had watched and Phil really wasn’t his to claim. 

 

 _'It’s his body, you shouldn’t care. Phil can do what he wants with it and show it to who he wants. If he’s happy why are you pissed?’_ The more logical side of Dan’s brain asked. But his emotions weren’t siding with his brain. _‘Because he’s showing everyone and they shouldn’t see that! That’s Phil for fuck sake, he shouldn’t be the object of anyone’s pleasure.’_ He sighed as he ran a hand over his face. “Expect my pleasure right?” He mumbled. It was getting harder to deny his feelings for his best friend. 

 

“You thought it was hot, you were going to get hard at any moment and you wanted to keep watching.” Dan said darkly as he finally got off the bed. He didn’t know what compelled him to reach around for his charger. But he did and he grabbed his laptop and plugged it in. He knew exactly what he was doing but he didn’t care. 

 

He opened his computer and logged on before quickly searching for the site. He recalled it quickly, videoboysxxx, couldn’t exactly forget that. He searched the site for Phil’s username. It didn’t take him long to find it either. As he scrolled through the videos, a lot less panicked, he started to notice things. Some of the videos were from that year even one from a couple months. Then the oldest video was from 2009, from the looks of the picture it was when Phil was still in his dorm. “Holy Christ.” Dan mumbled. How long had Phil been doing this for? 

 

While there was only twenty two videos they all plenty of comments. Some would say _‘Wow baby the way you shove that up your ass makes me cum.’_ and others we’re talking about something completely different. _‘Seen your live show last night. Damn you’re sexy.’_ “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Dan yelled, his anger starting to get the better of him. He clicked back on Phil’s profile, scrolling through for more information about him. When he finally found it he was stunned. What a bio. 

 

_‘Hey! I make videos for guys just like you. I love to cum on camera. I do live shows every once in a while so be sure to watch when I’m active!’_

 

The feeling of mortification returned, not only had Phil been making pornos he’d been doing it live as well?! It made Dan wonder what exactly Phil had been doing in the shows. Dan wanted to cry all over again. He was angry and heartbroken and jealous if he was honest. He adored Phil, would do anything for him. Hell he practically worshiped the ground he walked on. And yet Phil was doing God knows what for a bunch of guys who didn’t even give a shit? They just wanted to get off, they didn’t care about him. Dan loved him but they just wanted to fantasize about him and what it would be like to actually use his body. Dan on the other hand wanted to cherish it. 

 

 

He couldn’t read not one more comment, he felt sick. Dan shut the lid again. He was even disgusted with himself because he wanted to watch another one of those videos. He wanted to get off to the sight of Phil. He could pretend like he was making the videos just for him. That would never work though, because Dan didn’t want to start thinking about how he was probably the furthest thing from Phil’s mind when making it.

 

Thankfully Dan shut the laptop just in time. A couple seconds later Phil knocked on his door a few times before walking in. “Hey, are you alright? You’ve been in your room all day and you were acting really strange earlier.” Phil said softly as he walked in. “It just seemed like something was up.” He mumbled before setting down on the others bed. 

 

Dan scoffed before standing up from his desk. “Yeah I’m the one acting strange. Whatever, Phil. I’m just fine.” He practically spat. Give him a break, he’d just found out that his roommate, best friend, and the secret love of his life was making porn videos. He was somewhat emotionally compromised to say the least. 

 

“Hey, what’s your problem? I was just trying see if there was anything you wanted to talk about. You don’t have bite my head off.” Phil frowned before folding his arms across his chest. All he did was come in and ask if Dan was alright. In his books that qualified as being a good friend. 

 

“You! You’re my problem!” Dan shouted, his eyes going wide once more. “Okay and I’m not the one acting strange!” Dan threw his hands up. He was on the verge of a mental breakdown and far as he was concerned he could yell at Phil for what he’d just found out. “Yeah there is something I wanted to talk about, how about we talk about videoboys or um I don’t know, we could talk about Asstronaut87, what the fuck Phil!?” Dan yelled but he instantly felt the anger drain out of him when he looked at Phil’s expression. Right away he wished he’d never said anything. 

 

Phil was staring at him in horror, Dan could almost see the tears starting to well up. His face was red and a hand had quickly shot up to cover his mouth. Oh yeah, Dan knew. And Phil didn’t know what say. He’d hidden his secret for nearly six years. Dan had never been any wiser. Suddenly though it was all out in the open. The dirty little secret he’d kept from everyone was now something the other knew about. “Oh my God.” He whispered, shaking his head. “How did you….I don’t…Oh my God, I can’t believe this.” Phil mumbled as he hide his face in his hands. Yeah that was pretty much the same thing Dan had said. 

 

“Yeah I can’t believe it either. Phil do you mind telling me what you’ve been doing?” Dan asked as he took a deep breath. He would need it. He never wanted to embarrass him but God damn. Some things didn’t need an explanation but a porno wasn’t one of those things. 

 

“I’m so humiliated right now.” Phil shook his head. “I can’t talk to you about this.” He quickly jumped off the bed. Dan was faster though and grab onto his wrist just in time to stop him from running out. 

 

“Phil, we need to talk! I can’t un-see any of that and if we don’t discuss it…well then it’s just going to turn into weird awkward tension. I don’t want that.” 

 

And that’s how they found themselves talking about something Dan would never imagine they’d be talking about. Never in his wildest dreams. Well maybe in his wildest ones and his wet dreams but certainly not in his normal dreams.

 

 

 

“It started out like this. You know when I started making videos and everything?” Phil asked, his face just as red as before. Dan knew he couldn’t stand talking about it but he wasn’t about to live with a strained air between them. He nodded letting Phil know that yes he was aware of when he started making videos. 

 

“Yeah, I know. I pretty stalked you the whole time.” Dan mumbled as he watched Phil who’d now placed himself on the other side of the bed. 

 

“Well I wasn’t getting that many views at first. I mean I didn’t mind that, that’s not what I started making videos for. But then…one day I just, I just made this video of me-oh my God.” He sighed in frustration. “I made this video me…you know?” Phil glanced down at his jeans and Dan nodded once again, his own face heating up. “And it got so many views, there wasn’t one bad response, people liked it. I guess it just really boosted my confidence.” 

 

It was Dan’s turn to frown. He never knew Phil had a problem with his confidence. Social and physical, he’d always just assumed Phil was comfortable with everything. If Phil was close enough he might have even reached out and grabbed ahold of his hand. He didn’t say anything, he just waited for Phil to go on. 

 

“I liked the attention it felt nice. I felt like people thought I was attractive, that felt good Dan.” He shook his head in dismay before speaking again. “I don’t know why I did it, I just did. And then every time a video got a ton of hate comments or less views then I’d wanted I’d make another video and post it.” 

 

Dan sighed, he was starting to understand how this whole thing had transpired. It was a bit of relief knowing that Phil wasn’t just some porn star who liked showing it off. 

 

“It would get twice the views my other video did and people were always telling me how good looking they thought I was and they were compliment me. I was so insecure. I guess I still am. But it was a change from people going on about how I sounded like a fag or how I should have killed myself.” His eyes traveled down to the black and gray comforted sadly. “I wanted to feel liked and you know it stopped once you came along. But…then after a year I made another one.” 

 

Dan didn’t know what to say, Phil was pouring his heart but no words were coming to mind. 

 

 

“I got the attention and it helped my confidence, I know it’s wrong but…every time a video doesn’t get the response I want it to…I make another video and put it up there instead. It makes me feel like I’m good enough. Do you hate me, are you like disgusted right now?” 

 

“No, I just think you’re stupid.” Dan laughed while Phil turned to look at him with a hurt expression. Hello, pouring his heart out here, it wasn’t funny. “Phil, you’ve been living with someone who thinks you’re incredibly attractive. You don’t need to take your clothes off to feel good enough.” God, didn’t he know he was more than good enough, in fact he was too good, for Dan. “I think you’re amazing no matter what.” 

 

Phil’s expression changed to one of confusion. Did Dan just say what he thought he did? “Dan I know you’re trying to help but I don’t want you to sugarcoat a bunch of stuff tonight.” He sighed. There was no way Dan was being honest. While the lie was nice it was just that. 

 

“Phil!” Dan said grabbing onto the other and locking eyes with him. “I’m not, when I saw those videos I was furious but not because of why you think. Just the thought of someone getting off to you bothered me. Maybe this isn’t the best timing but…I’m right here, you know. I know I might not be good enough but I’ve been there the whole time. If you need a confidence boost you should have just talked to me.” 

 

 

Phil raised an eyebrow, he didn’t really grasp what Dan was saying to him. He wanted to believe but it wasn’t that easy. His self-esteem had taken a plenty of blows the last few years. Of course millions of people had said beautiful things about him, it just always seemed like the insults were more impactful than the compliments. 

 

“You really mean a lot to me, more than anyone else has ever meant to me. I know I don’t have the right to say this but it bothers me. I’m jealous because I’m the one who loves you not them. Not the people who watch those videos.” Dan had never intended to confess his feelings but he was pretty impressed with himself. He wasn’t stumbling over his words with fear and he wasn’t shaking. His heart was racing but he could live with that. “I’ve been in love since 2009, If only had gotten ahold one of this videos back then.” 

 

For the first time that day Phil smiled brightly and honestly. Never once did he actually think his feelings might be returned. Hell it had been so long he’d pretty much bottled them up and tried to think platonic thoughts. Not that it worked out to well but still, he’d tried at least. “If I had known how you felt I probably wouldn’t have made them.” He scooted closer to Dan. While he was still mortified and slightly humiliated he was starting to come around. Dan took a moment to actually grab onto that pale hand, holding it tightly. 

 

“I don’t know exactly what we’ve established here but I’d really like for you to delete your account.” Dan’s tone was soft but serious. If Phil was going to be his then he didn’t want anyone looking at him. 

 

“As long as it’s more than what we were ten minutes ago.” Phil mumbled, leaning against Dan’s shoulder. The other quickly let go of Phil’s hand to wrap it around his waist instead. 

 

“Yeah, it’s a lot more than what were ten minutes ago.” Words like boyfriend and eternal life partner were coming to mind. Dan knew he might be jumping the gun but him stumbling across Phil’s pornos were the best thing that had ever happened! Sort of. 

 

“Then I think I can take it down…just for you though.” He smiled again and Dan didn’t stop himself from leaning in and stealing a swift kiss. One that made Phil giggle and his grin widened so much his face began to ache pleasantly. 

 

“So does this mean I get to have some fun with Asstronaut87 before he’s gone forever? By the way that’s a horrible screen name, what were you thinking?” Phil shoved Dan playfully before getting up. 

 

“It was like six years ago!” He laughed. “And as much as I’d love to I’ve got some video’s to take down. From now on I’m happy just being AmazingPhil.” He did however press a gentle kiss to Dan’s lips. “I love you too.” Dan was a bit dazed with love, there was a lot of love happening, as he watched Phil walk out the room.   
Suddenly a thought crossed Dan’s mind. “Wait!” He yelled scrambling up from the bed. “Let me save some of those before you delete them!”


End file.
